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You Deserve A Better Happy Birthday

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SI,

You came up to the firehouse so we could celebrate your 5th birthday together. As a family. I wish we had taken pictures. I regret that…because I so dearly want to look back on today some day and see a smile on your face at some point during your visit.

I’m sorry that halfway through your birthday dinner I had to leave for a house fire up the street. I didn’t want to go any more than you wanted me to leave. But I’m glad you stayed and waited for me to get back.

I enjoyed watching you open your presents. The smile on your face always brings one to mine. And that laugh…I simply love and adore your laughter, buddy. I enjoyed singing happy birthday to you and eating ice cream cake with you. I’m sorry that halfway through building your new Lego plane I had to leave again, this time for a car accident. I’ve been looking forward to building that together with you since your mom and I bought it last week. I like hanging out with you…doing stuff together. Leaving in the middle of that time together hurt me.

But I’m glad you stayed and waited for me. It was comforting to feel you hug my leg as soon as I jumped out of the fire truck, even over my bulky turnout pants. That feeling was…indescribable. And one I will cherish forever. You didn’t see it, but I cried a little then. And I’m crying now as I type this. Because you deserve better.

I’m so sorry that this job I once loved with every fiber of my being has cost so much. I’m sorry it has left you waiting for me to be present in your life. I’m sorry that I’ve had to put strangers above you on days like today. Your birthday means so stinking much to me, and I love you so, so very much son. So much so that tears are uncontrollably running down my face as I type this…I’m sobbing like a baby, and I’m powerless to stop it. You cannot begin to imagine the depth of my love for you, your siblings and your mother. I pray that you can forgive me for days like today and not hold them against me. And that one day you will also feel the same kind of love, with children of your own. When you do, I pray you’ve chosen a career that doesn’t find you missing the important days in their lives…days like today…leaving you feeling like I do now.

I’m so sorry son. I hope and pray you had an awesome birthday, despite my absence. You certainly deserve it. You deserve better.

Love,

Dad

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Birthday Boy

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Time flies too fast son. Six years ago this morning, I got to walk into the operating room and watch the doctor reach in to your momma’s belly and pull you out, kicking and screaming. What a joy that day was…seeing and holding you for the first time.

Our miracle baby who doctors said would never be, you proved them wrong…and have been forging your way through this world ever since.

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I’m proud of you son. Proud of you for being you. Proud of you for who you are. Proud of you for the young boy you’ve become and the young man you’re becoming. If these last six years are any indication of what the next six will be like, I look forward with eager anticipation to what lies ahead.

I love you bud!

Dad

Forever Your Daddy

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Thirteen years ago today, God sent an angel to earth…handpicked with a purpose. I couldn’t be there the day you were born, but I was there four months later when you came home to us. I was there in the PICU after your open heart surgery a month before your first birthday…and I was there when we finalized your adoption, making me your forever daddy. I loved you the moment I first saw you, and I haven’t stopped loving you since. I will love you to the end of time. You are beautiful in every way…and you bring a smile to the lives of everyone you touch. You are more like Jesus than any person I know. You know no stranger, and are a friend to all…regardless of how someone treats you, you love them for who they are. From that very first day, you have stirred within me a desire to be a better man…and even now thirteen years later, my dear SD, you make me want to be a better daddy.

My wish for you is a long life filled with, love, joy and peace. I pray you will one day understand what it means to have a heavenly Father, and choose to follow Him. Because as awesome as it is that God chose me to be your forever daddy here in this life…it’s even more awesome that He is your Forever Daddy…forever.

Love,

Dad

P.S. I love this picture, taken just a couple months ago. This was a fun day…and it reminds me how much fun you are. 🙂

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