Do you believe in “do-overs”? In giving grace and showing mercy to someone and allowing them a chance to do something again, to try to right a wrong? I am. Unfortunately, that’s nearly impossible to actually do when our “do-over” is needed after we say something we shouldn’t have said. We can try, but we’re just never really able to completely wipe the memory of our words away.

It’s been almost a week since I wrote. For me, that seems like an eternity. I’ve just not had the passion within me to write much this past week. My last several notes took a lot out of me, and I’ve not had the desire to even think about or discuss the root of my problem, the incident at work that threw my emotions into a tailspin.

This morning, mom and SI had left for school, and while waiting for NE’s bus to pick him up, I enjoyed sitting and watching him play. I haven’t just sat and watched you or your siblings just play in awhile. I’m usually sitting with the computer on my lap, a phone in my hand, or while walking around doing stuff around the house…I don’t remember the last time I just sat and watched. And in my time watching NE this morning, I heard God. For the first time in at least a week, I heard God’s whisper. It’s amazing how clear He is when we when we sit and be still:

“He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalm 46:10

In God’s whisper this morning, He convicted me, and immediately I knew that I had handled a situation last weekend poorly. And just to drive the point home even further, I spent some time in the Word afterward…and this is what God showed me:

“for we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a mature man who is also able to control his whole body.” – James 3:2

I spent almost all of last month in the book of James, but apparently in all that time, I didn’t learn what God had brought me here to learn. God spent a month preparing me for last weekend’s email, and had I heeded James’ warning, perhaps I would have handled it better. It’s apparent, I’m not as mature as I’d like to think I am most days. At 39 years of age, I’m obviously as immature as they come. The rest of chapter 3 talks about controlling the tongue…and chapter 4 talks about being proud or humble. I read these words dozens of times last month…literally several dozen times. So when the email from a family member arrived in my inbox on Saturday, I recognized that I needed to take some time to digest it and put some thought and prayer into my reply. What I failed to actually do was put some serious prayer into it. You see, controlling the tongue is not just about watching what you actually let cross your lips…it’s also about what you write. I should have picked up on that before last Saturday…my immaturity is painfully obvious.

For what it’s worth, I did wait to reply. I prayed some throughout a busy day at work, and I put some thought into my reply. I should have put some more thought and prayer into it, because I almost instantly knew it was the wrong reply. I don’t fault this family member for reaching out to me. I don’t fault the family members who asked him/her to reach out to me. I know that everyone’s intentions were in right place. That they were trying to help me through a difficult time. I tried as eloquently as I could to word my response in a way that made that clear…and in a way that did not put this person on the defensive for what I claimed was an attack at my faith.

I failed…because if I had written back with what I believe God would want me to have said, it would have been much different. If given the opportunity for a “do-over”, I would simply say:

“Thank you for caring enough about me to write to me. Thank you for having the courage and for loving me enough to reach out in faith to try and help me through this. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. It means the world to me that you care enough about me as a person to write to me. Please know that I’m good. I’m working through my issues with this incident, and God is carrying me through it. I may sometimes walk through some dark places with my emotions, but I won’t be there long because I have the resources to get through it. I’m good. Thank you again for loving me. I love you too.”

But, that’s if we lived in a world where the “do-over” actually worked. Learn from my mistake child…because we don’t. The “do-over” only works on the playground.

Love,

Dad

Advertisements