Satan,
I see you’re doubling down on me today. You know I’ve stepped up my game, and you’re feeling the pressure, huh? You know I’ve called upon the name of the Lord to strengthen me through this darkness. You can feel the power of my prayer and the unity of my family and friends standing in prayer beside me, can’t you? I believe you’re afraid. You see, I know you had plans to win this battle, and now you’re starting to realize you won’t. So you do what you do when this happens…you double down your efforts, hoping that the constant barrage will be too much to handle. Today, you’re using worth.
Unworthy. Feelings and thoughts that I am unworthy to be a child of God. As I’m swimming through this ever-changing and never-ending sea of emotions, you’re telling me that if I were truly a child of God…if my faith was sincere…if my hope was alive…if my heart and soul completely and totally bought into the saving power of the cross…if I really believed what I say I believe…then I would not be filled with these feelings anger, rage, sorrow, sadness and solitude. So since I am right here in the midst of all those feelings, thoughts and emotions (and so many more), I am unworthy to be called a child of God. At least that’s what you’re trying to convince me of today.
You see, the mind tricks you’re trying are good. Logically, I know better. I know I am a child of God, filled with the Spirit and saved by the Son. I know my eternal home is in heaven with Him. Knowing that doesn’t change how powerful you can be in your efforts to convince me otherwise. So I commend you on your effort. Today, I am telling you Satan, you are right…to a point. But you should know something. I came prepared.
You see, I am unworthy. I have not earned God’s grace. I do not deserve God’s mercy. I am not worthy of the love poured out on the cross through Jesus for me. I am not qualified to accept the discernment of the Spirit. I have done nothing on my own to provide the hope that lives within me. The hope that is alive within me (albeit however deep it may currently be buried under the rubble of your attack) is alive because God is stronger and more powerful than you. So yes, I am unworthy. But I have been made worthy through Jesus. And I call upon His name again today…to strengthen me again today for whatever He has planned out in advance for me to endure. My hope is in the Lord.
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us…For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together with labor pains until now. And not only that, but we ourselves who have the Spirit as the firstfruits – we also groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. Now in this hope we were saved, yet hope that is seen is not hope, because who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with patience. In the same way the Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings. And He who searches the hearts knows the Spirit’s mind-set, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” – Romans 8:18, 22-27
“Therefore, since we have been declared righteous through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have also obtained access through Him by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” – Romans 5:1-5
You see, Satan, you can double down on me all you want. I may not know what to pray today, but that’s okay, because I have the Spirit of God in my corner, and He is interceding on my behalf. It’s on days like today, when you are constantly reminding me of my mistakes and short-comings…trying to keep me down by throwing my sin-filled past right back in my face…filling me with thoughts of worthlessness…that I look beyond my past and beyond these temporary emotions and remind you of the future. I belong to Jesus!! I can’t win any battle alone, and I certainly won’t win every battle I face if I face it without God, but I’m on God’s team, not yours!! We win!
In Christ’s love,
Me
A Note From Dad 
Sep 14, 2012 @ 13:02:29
Awesome Jay. This is a prayer I will read every time I face struggles in my life. Awesome note. One that everyone should have the opportunity to read.
I seriously think you should head up a men’s bible study group. Or a mixed. Don’t think that matters I know you think with your schedule that it would be impossible. But think about this. Set a day and time and meet together at that time at the church. When work interferes with the meeting have an online lesson planned. If someone doesn’t have a computer maybe they could use one at the church or they could buddy up with someone who does. Does any of this make sense to you? You have a God given talent for sharing God’s word and you could be sharing it with a group of men/women who are searching for whatever. At your first class you could ask what they are struggling with or what they would like to hear from you. Make a lesson plan for 6 weeks. That should give you enough time to decide if this is something you want to do. You could be a blessing to so many people. Think about it. Pray about it. Talk to Pastor Ralph about it. I would consider keeping it a small group of people. People would feel more comfortable with sharing. I’ll stop here. Seriously. Think and pray about it. Discuss it with you’re wife. I know you would be good at this. REALLY good. Believe in yourself. You’re not perfect. Others are not perfect. I don’t think people want to be taught by someone who is perfect. And this: I would drive from here to there to attend your bible stories. Just think how many people who attend your church would attend. You’ve received so positive comments after posting your notes. Maybe some of them would be willing to attend. I love you, son. I believe in you.
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Sep 15, 2012 @ 21:46:57
Thanks. I appreciate the encouragement. I don’t feel God calling me to that right now. Not saying it’s off the table forever, just that God has me busy doing so much else right now, that I don’t think it’s where He wants me yet. I do appreciate having supportive parents. 🙂
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Sep 15, 2012 @ 09:11:32
Continuing in prayer for you! “Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7)
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Sep 15, 2012 @ 21:48:44
Thank you Paul…and thank you for sharing the verse. It’s always amazing to me how God reveals Scripture to us in different times and in different ways. I just recently went through two weeks of reading through the book of James over and over, and that verse did not stick out to me…until now. Thanks for sharing.
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